| Location | Bradford |
| Age | 0 |
| Date of Birth | 12/2007 |
| Date of Death | 12/2007 |
| Visitors | 2,532 since 17/05/2008 |
| Creator |
Our lovely Erin was born asleep on the 6th of December, 2007.
Erin was our first child together, not planned but very much wanted.
I found out fairly early i was expecting Erin and the pregnancy progressed fairly normally apart
from a slight bleed at 8 weeks. I had all the healthy signs of pregnancy, sickness, very tired etc
but things never seemed quite right somehow.
I felt Erin move very early in the pregnancy yet by 20 weeks i'd not had many strong movements and
had an awful feeling deep down that something just wasn't right. I tried to put this down to the
fact i was carrying a girl (i knew without a doubt she was a girl) after carrying 2 boys.
The 12 week scan was fine and i remember the sonographer telling me 'you shouldn't have anymore
problems now' how wrong she was!
The nightmare began on the 16th of November when i went for my 20 week scan. I'll never forget the
nerves i felt sitting there waiting to be called. The sonographer called the baby 'uncooperative'
which right away set alarm bells ringing for both me and my partner.
She then went on to say that she wanted us to go to the other hospital in the city the following
week when the doctors would be there as she couldn't see part of the brain properly and also the
heart valves.
A whole week she made us wait!!
We went to the appointment the following week where they told us there was a problem with the
cerebellum part of Erin's brain and asked us to consider a specialised MRI scan at Sheffield the
following week to see if there were any other problems in the brain.
Another week to wait!!
We went to Sheffield where i had the MRI scan and were told that the problem that had been detected
in our local hospital was bigger than they suspected and that the corpus collosum was absent too
(the middle part of the brain that connects the 2 sides) This can cause serious mental retardation
and the cerebellum hypoplasia would cause physical disabilities also.
We were advised to terminate the pregnancy as Erin's quality of life would be very poor. They
suspected Edwards syndrome at this point and informed us Edwards is incompatible with life.
In this time we had fantastic support from family and close friends for which we will always be
grateful.
We went to Leeds 4 days later where they stopped Erin's heart. I delivered Erin 2 days later after
a long and emotionally draining 11 hours. She weighed 1lb 4oz.
I will never forget the doctors advising us to hold her and spend time with her. Before they said
this i just couldn't face the thought of seeing her after feeling that i'd let her down and i will
always be grateful to those doctors (and also my sister Tracey and best friend Shelly) for changing
my mind for me and making me realise i'd never get that time back.
We spent time with Erin, holding her and talking to her. She was so tiny and so so beautiful and its
something that neither of us will ever forget.
We miss our girl every day and speak of her every day to each other and to her 2 big brothers. Our
very special and very precious little girl, Erin Elizabeth.
Please light a candle for Erin.
Little did we know that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you,
You are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
Love you baby girl, you are in my thoughts every single day. Please always watch over mummy, your brothers and me until we can all be together.
Do you know how hard it is
To hold a baby who doesn't cry?
Do you know how hard it is
To tell that baby goodbye?
Do you know how hard it is
To look at an empty bed?
Knowing your child should be there
Resting her sleepy head?
Do you know how hard it is
Feeling that you're to blame?
And no matter what they tell you
You'll always feel the same
Do you know the heartache
Knowing she's gone for good?
And feeling that you didn't do
all the things you could
Do you know how hard it is
To hear that it's Gods will?
Do you know the emptiness
When your child is born still?
xxx
We are connected, my child and I,
by an invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It’s not like the cord that connects us at birth,
this cord can’t be seen by any on earth.
This cord does its work right from the start,
it binds us together, attached by the heart
I know that it’s there, though no one can see
this invisible cord, from my child to me.
The strength of this cord,
it’s hard to describe,
it can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied.
It’s stronger than any cord man could create;
it withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone and you’re not here with me,
the cord is still there though no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore,
but this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I’m thankful that God connects us this way,
a mother and child…Death can’t take it away
Don't cry for me Daddy,
I am right here.
Although you can't see me,
I see your tears.
I visit you often,
I go to work with you each day,
And when it's time to close your eyes,
On your pillow is where I lay.
I hold your hand and stroke your hair,
And whisper in your ear.
If your sad today Daddy
Remember I am here.
God took me home,
This we know is true.
But you'll always be my Daddy,
Even though I'm not with you.
I am Daddy's little girl,
We will never be apart,
For every time you think of me,
Please know I'm in your heart.
~Author Unknown~
poem from dad
Oh the longing we both had
to be a mum and a dad
We put our hopes and dreams in you
She hoped for pink, I dreamed of blue
But for you God had a different plan
One we may never understand
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn't know it then
We barely got to say hello
Before we had to let you go
God breathed your name and called you home
So briefly here, so quickly gone
But in the stillness of the night
My empty arms still hold you tight
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn't know it then
In my mind I see you running
Chasing bees and butterflies
Soft hair gently blowing
Healthy cheeks, laughing eyes
In the quietness of the morning
When the mist hangs in the air
I hold you close within my heart...
My Angel Unaware
How can I miss someone so much
I barely had the chance to touch
You did not grow inside of me
Yet I learned how strong a love could be
I knew you for a lifetime
And i will love you all of mine
We were visited by an angel
Though we didn't know it then
You were the answer to our prayer...
Our Angel Unaware
Miss you every day erin, keep watching over me and mummy and your brothers x
If tomorrow starts without me
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I’m not there to see.
If the sun should rise, and find your eyes,
Are filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
The way you did today.
While thinking of the many things, we didn’t get to say.
I know how much you loved me,
As much as I love you.
And every time you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me,
I hope you’ll understand,
An angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
She said my place was ready, in heaven up above,
And that I’d have to leave behind, all those I dearly love.
I had so much to live for, so much that I should do,
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.
I wish I could have said goodbye,
And kissed and seen you smile,
I wish I could have stayed with you even for a little while.
But then I had to realise, that this could never be,
Now emptiness, and memories,
Would take the place of me.
But when I walked through heavens gates,
I felt so much at home,
And then the lord looked down on me, from his golden throne.
He said, “this is for eternity, but I will promise you,
Although your life on earth has passed, here life starts anew”
“I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each days the same up here,
There’s no longing for the past”
My loved ones, please don’t grieve for me,
Coz I am truly free,
And I will wait for you to come and share my life with me.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I’m right here in your heart
The Shopping Trip
As I persue the aisles,
of the local store,
I see things more differently,
than I ever have before.
'Daddy's Little Angel',
the embroidered bibs do read.
But, Daddy's angel is in Heaven,
and bibs she does not need.
She does not need a bottle,
a dress or a toy.
Of buying those things for her,
we shall never know the joy.
There are tiny jars of baby food,
that she will never eat,
And shiny shoes with buckles,
that will never touch her feet.
As the bikes and trikes taunt me,
from high up on the rack,
Tears will break free from my eyes,
if I dare look back.
I run off to the restroom,
to blow my nose and cry.
I wipe my eyes, swallow hard,
and let out a sigh.
I must go face the paper,
college and wide rule,
That my little angel,
will never use in school.
I hurry past the greeting cards,
that the people chose with care,
And I am reminded,
of the holidays we shall not share.
In the checkout line I bow my head,
and heavy is my heart,
For the family right in front of me,
has a newborn in their cart.
Shopping in the local store,
used to be mundane.
Now every aisle's full of items,
which remind me of my pain.
So, quick as I can, I give the cashier,
the money from my purse,
And hurry away from those who don't know my pain,
in this foreignly happy universe
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your little girl, Erin.
I say this to every fellow bereaved mother I come across, because it never fails to be true: nothing in the world hurts more than losing a baby. Someone once said that if a child loses parents, they are orphans and if a woman loses a husband she is a widow... but if a mother loses a child - there isn't a name because there isn't name to define or catergorise such pain.
I'm glad you decided to spend time with your little girl after she arrived. I always wish I had spent so much more time with both of my daughters.
I hope you have some warmer, gentler days ahead,
Catherine x
Beautiful angel Erin
Here is a teddy bear for you sweet angel as you can never have too many.
I hope you are playing happily with my daughter Livvy but try not to get up to too much mischief together.
send mummy and daddy lots of floaty kisses as i know they miss you so much.
with love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
OurForeverBabies.com
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