| Location | Bradford |
| Age | 0 |
| Date of Birth | 12/2007 |
| Date of Death | 12/2007 |
| Visitors | 2,531 since 17/05/2008 |
| Creator |
Our lovely Erin was born asleep on the 6th of December, 2007.
Erin was our first child together, not planned but very much wanted.
I found out fairly early i was expecting Erin and the pregnancy progressed fairly normally apart
from a slight bleed at 8 weeks. I had all the healthy signs of pregnancy, sickness, very tired etc
but things never seemed quite right somehow.
I felt Erin move very early in the pregnancy yet by 20 weeks i'd not had many strong movements and
had an awful feeling deep down that something just wasn't right. I tried to put this down to the
fact i was carrying a girl (i knew without a doubt she was a girl) after carrying 2 boys.
The 12 week scan was fine and i remember the sonographer telling me 'you shouldn't have anymore
problems now' how wrong she was!
The nightmare began on the 16th of November when i went for my 20 week scan. I'll never forget the
nerves i felt sitting there waiting to be called. The sonographer called the baby 'uncooperative'
which right away set alarm bells ringing for both me and my partner.
She then went on to say that she wanted us to go to the other hospital in the city the following
week when the doctors would be there as she couldn't see part of the brain properly and also the
heart valves.
A whole week she made us wait!!
We went to the appointment the following week where they told us there was a problem with the
cerebellum part of Erin's brain and asked us to consider a specialised MRI scan at Sheffield the
following week to see if there were any other problems in the brain.
Another week to wait!!
We went to Sheffield where i had the MRI scan and were told that the problem that had been detected
in our local hospital was bigger than they suspected and that the corpus collosum was absent too
(the middle part of the brain that connects the 2 sides) This can cause serious mental retardation
and the cerebellum hypoplasia would cause physical disabilities also.
We were advised to terminate the pregnancy as Erin's quality of life would be very poor. They
suspected Edwards syndrome at this point and informed us Edwards is incompatible with life.
In this time we had fantastic support from family and close friends for which we will always be
grateful.
We went to Leeds 4 days later where they stopped Erin's heart. I delivered Erin 2 days later after
a long and emotionally draining 11 hours. She weighed 1lb 4oz.
I will never forget the doctors advising us to hold her and spend time with her. Before they said
this i just couldn't face the thought of seeing her after feeling that i'd let her down and i will
always be grateful to those doctors (and also my sister Tracey and best friend Shelly) for changing
my mind for me and making me realise i'd never get that time back.
We spent time with Erin, holding her and talking to her. She was so tiny and so so beautiful and its
something that neither of us will ever forget.
We miss our girl every day and speak of her every day to each other and to her 2 big brothers. Our
very special and very precious little girl, Erin Elizabeth.
Please light a candle for Erin.
Don't let them say I wasn't born,
That something stopped my heart,
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I've loved you from the start.
Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone,
This world was worthy, not, of me,
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face,
You have my word, I'll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
You'll hear that it was 'meant to be
God doesn't make mistakes',
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your hearts not ache.
I'm watching over all you do,
Another child you'll bear,
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There'll come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
And then you'll understand.
Although I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn't mean I never 'was'
An angel never dies...
A MOTHER\'S DREAM
I carried you so lovingly,
Within my gentle womb...
And little did I realise,
Your life would end too soon.
I never got the chance to say
'I love you, little one'...
Before I held you in my arms,
Your life on earth was done.
The grief is indescribable,
To lose a child this way...
All the many hopes and dreams,
Just vanished on that day.
I know I'll see the sun shine bright
Upon my baby's face...
When I finally get to heaven,
All my pain will be erased.
We'll soar the skies together,
As angels two by two...
We'll have a sweet reunion
This mother's dream come true.
Ask My Mum How She Is
================
My Mum she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before,
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mum how she is,
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie,
Because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mum How she is,
She'll say 'I'm alright'
If that's the truth, then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mum how she is,
'I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping'
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine,
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in Heaven,
I cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold,
I'll say 'You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!'
My beautiful niece
I was looking forward to babysitting you every week regardless of whether your mum wanted me to! I hope you are causing bother up above. Rest in peace with all the other angels - loving you and thinking of you always Auntie Tracey, Uncle Jay and your big cousin Cameron xxxx
Night Night x x
I remember the times I sat with your mummy
The times when we thought you were safe in her tummy
And then all of a sudden came the sad blow
And the heartache and sadness knowing you had to go
But just to remind you whilst your sat up above
The candle im lighting is sent with much love
So here you go precious god bless and goodnight
And sweetdreams sweet angel I hope you sleep tight x x
God sent me an angel from heaven above
it's filled with complete unconditional love
it watches and follows wherever I go
if i'm happy or sad this little angel does know
My life at this moment seems filled with despair
but this littlest angel is always right there
it lifts up my spirits, gives me a reason to smile
come sit me an angel, let me hold you a while
It climbs upon my lap and wipes away all my tears
one lok in those eyes wipes away all my fears
for in those soft gentle eyes theres something I see
which speaks to me silently 'you always have me'
As those soft gentle kisses bring a smile to my face
and a love in my heart which can't be replaced
it continues to tell me in it's own special way
of how much it loves me as it begins to say
'At night I will cuddle by your side while you sleep
my life is to love you, this promise I keep
i'll wake you come morning with kisses galore
you'll giggle and laugh and ask me for more'
'When sadness you feel or life lets you down
i'll do whatever it takes to wipe off your frown
i'll show you some tricks, i'll bring you my toy
or rest my head in your lap, if this brings you joy'
'If sickness should keep you in bed for the day
i'll stay right beside you, we don't have to play
and if going for walks is something you do
i'll be your companion take me with you'
I'll try hard to show you my love is so strong
i'll try only to please you, i'll try not to do wrong
if a mistake I should make, then I ask this of you
remember that angels can make mistakes too'
'I'll ask not much of you, it's for love that I yearn
because loves what god taught me to give in return
it's all unconditional and comes straight from the heart
and my promise I give you till death do us part'
'So this is my story one I wanted to share
of my littlest angel who's always right there
this littlest angel that i'm so thankful of
yes this littlest angel of unconditional love'
x♥x...Love Always x x x
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